On the mat ....

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured

and endure what cannot be cured. ~B.K.S. Iyengar

When I read this qoute by B.K.S Iyengar, the father of yoga, I was reminded why I have always been intrigued and called by the practice of Yoga.  My curiosity began in college and my journey with the mat started during my first pregnancy.  Miserable with bouts of siatica because of the 60 lbs weight gain and the positioning of my son for 9 months, I resigned myself to the couch until the little bundle of joy made his appearance.  My ob recommended chriopratic which was slightly helpful but not quite enough.  I certainly wanted to be active but it was a daunting task as the days and weeks progressed because of the pain and discomfort.

I had heard about pre-natal yoga but wondered if it was the right time to start.  I was wondering if I would squash the little one in some new and adventous asana.  So, I decieded that learning the breathwork of yoga would just have to do until the pregnancy was behind me.  I did purchase a Prenatal Yoga book and a bolster and sat in Child's Pose and focused on my breath which would prove to be very useful in the throws of labor. 

Fast forward 5 years, 2 children and a stressful job later....I was feeling the effects of stress once again in my body so acutely that I was in a desperate for relief.  Spontaneously, I turned to the mat.  What happened next was a remarkable relationship with myself.  This time I was able to go deeper into the practice; I had gotten my body back - well at least some of it so I was feeling up to the challenge.  I registered for a 6 week Iyengar series at a local ballet school.   I found myself going deeper each week finding the emotional and physical respite I so needed.

Yoga has taught me so many things - ways to relieve my aching back but the most profound and unexpected lesson is that mind and body are one.  I have rejoiced in sun saluations, cried in childs pose and met my inner strength in Warrior pose.  The cycle of a practice has become the release of so many emotions and shaped how I experienced the reality of who I am and will become.   I am there in the moment and open to all that I am.

Embracing the journey ....

I recall memorizing Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" in 8th grade English class like it was yesterday.  Each day, for give or take two weeks,  I would come home from school and read and silently whisper each stanza over and over again.

I went on to recite Mr. Frost's desiderata for the human spirit flawlessly.  It was an out of body experience and all I recall was the moment of the last stanza when I could feel the relief gradually climbing my body and returning to the center of my then universe - my 8th grade classroom.  As you can image, I planted myself so firmly in the desk chair and held on for dear life. The moment had passed, it was done and I would never have to do it again ...

While this is an all too common moment that I am sure we can all remember, I have throughout the course of my life recalled that moment over and over again.  Why this one?  I did not value the teaching of that moment until a recent flashback.  For me, the message is two fold. 

First, that fear has a way of placing you on mindless autopilot.  As mechanically as I repeated the words of the poem is as mechanically I have walked through some of the most significant experiences in my life.  How many times I have relived that "fight or flight" response since the tender age of 13 only to fly as quickly as I could to reach a goal?  Finding our path in life not only embodies an achievement but how present we are as we walk through the uncertainty, anxiety and aha moments along the way.   How we process the emotions that unfold as we embark on new endeavours, new jobs, new relationships are often left behind when we reach our destination. 

Second, I can share with you that there have been many times on my journey that I have withheld bringing myself fully and completely to the moment during times of challenge and triumph. Those are the moments when I have lost out on the teaching and quite frankly the victory of the walk.  This cheats us of the powerful tools that are the gift self awareness.  As frightening as the path my seem (after all there are some thick and wooded ones out there), I have come to realize the value of staying connected to my fears, to experience them with honestly and tow them along for the journey.  They have, upon occasion, become reminders of limitations and stopped me in my tracks but I see now how they can be transformed into streams of possibility;  but only when I welcome them as scenery on the path.

How many times have you said to yourself at the moment of a lost opportunity asked where would I be further on my journey if I just embraced the lessons and emotions of being in the process? Perhaps the closing lines of "The Road Not Taken" hold exactly that meaning. The "difference" to which he refers is often the self discovery and embracing of sum total of the process - the good, the bad, the pain, the fear and pushing through. I will leave you with the fate defining words of Mr. Frost to consider as define your way ... ..."Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference".